Fears…eek!

Everyone has a fear. If they say they’re not afraid of anything, they’re lying. Those people are afraid of…the truth. I’ll tell you some of my biggest fears.

Bridges. I. Hate. Bridges. As some of you might know, I walked across the Brooklyn Bridge when I went to New York, and I hated every moment of it. Another fear of mine are snakes. I’m not so much afraid of big snakes that are held captive, but I’m afraid of the tiny little snakes that slither extremely fast across the pavement when you least expect it! I have anxiety EVERY summer due to this. I think my number one biggest fear is dying alone. I don’t want to leave this planet knowing I couldn’t find someone (who isn’t my son) that could love me for me unconditionally and vice versa. Now I know there are some common fears that I don’t have and I want to talk about some of the most common fears out there.

1. Fear of flying – I don’t enjoy flying. I guess you can say I have a rational fear of it. It’s not so much the flying I have a problem with, it’s the chance of the plane propelling to the ground at 1 million miles an hour. I try to sleep on planes to avoid this thinking, but I hardly ever sleep on planes. I’ve heard that having alcohol in your system makes sleeping on planes a lot easier, and by heard I mean I know.

2. Fear of public speaking – Although I suffer from anxiety, I don’t have a problem speaking to a bunch of people…especially if it’s a topic I’m very knowledgable about.

3. Fear of heights – Nope. Not at all. As a cheerleader and a flyer there’s no way I can be afraid of heights. I think, the higher the better!

4. Fear of the dark – The dark isn’t that scary. What IS scary is hearing strange noises and people talking while you’re alone in the dark. That’s scary!

5. Fear of intimacy – I’m assuming this means getting too close to people and letting them invade your personal life. Eh, I think this is just a guy thing. Get over it.

6. Fear of death, dying – People are afraid of this mainly due to the unknown. As a believer I know what lies for me at the end. So I’m not afraid of death, I’m afraid of HOW I’m going to die…credits to Investigation Discovery.

7. Fear of failure – EVERYONE fails at something in their life. The trick is to learn from it and not to make the same mistake again. β€œFailure should be our teacher, not our undertaker. Failure is delay, not defeat. It is a temporary detour, not a dead-end. Failure is something we can avoid only by saying nothing, doing nothing, and being nothing.” – Denis Waitley

http://www.forbes.com/sites/ekaterinawalter/2013/12/30/30-powerful-quotes-on-failure/

Check out this link for some powerful quotes on failure. It should change your perspective πŸ™‚

8. Fear of rejection – I think this is along the lines of fear of failure. You’ll never know until you ask or try. I think it’s better to live your life thinking “oh well” than “what if”. WHAT IFS are the worst!

9. Fear of spiders – Spiders are the least scariest thing to me. Don’t get me wrong, they do catch me off guard every now and again, but once I see one, I think “oh, it’s just a spider” and then proceed to kill it.

10. Fear of committment – I actually know someone like this. Not a fear of a committed relationship, but fear of committment to any and everything else. I guess committment means “this is it, I’ve made my decision, and this is what I’ve chosen.” When you’re 100% sure about something, there shouldn’t be any fear involved. If you’re not 100% sure, find something or someone who won’t make you think of anything else.

As you can see, my top three biggest fears didn’t even crack the top 10 most common fears. Goes to show that I’m a one-of-a-kind.

What are some of YOUR biggest fears? E-mail me! cheritaisrandom@gmail.com

 

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Unusual Names

A name. It’s a word that sets you apart from the rest of the world. It is a word by which you are addressed as and referred to. It’s a word that can make you or break you. It’s a word that can jump-start your career or set you up for failure. Your name is what you have to live with for the rest of your life (or until you can legally change it at 18). So as a person who tends to look toward the future, it baffles my mind why ANYONE would name their kid something that will make them suffer as they get older, and as a PARENT I feel like it’s borderline child abuse…no but really. Yes, creativity is amazing, I am prone and very fond of creativity, but there is a very fine line between creativity and cruelty.

There are some people who get defensive on this topic, but studies show that employers occasionally skip over resumes of which contain hard to pronounce names. I know your name doesn’t DEFINE who you are, but it sure does make a first impression. Even the slightest spelling change in a name can make a difference between the “interview” and “nah I’ll pass” pile. It is 2014 and people are as crazy as ever, lets look at some of the names parents are coming up with to try to make their child “unique”.

I’ll start with my own personal story. When I was about 8 months pregnant with my son, someone asked me what I was naming my son. I told her I was naming him “Myles”. She kind of shrugged it off and proceeded to tell  me that her daughter’s name was Creative…WITH A K! She had the biggest smile on her face like she just struck gold. She was so proud of herself for naming her daughter KREATIVE. Next.

Now on to celebrities. I don’t know why celebrities can get away with naming their kid objects and everyone thinking it’s okay…oh wait, they can and do get away with it. They better hope their kids have the same kind of talent as them, or they never go bankrupt, because if some of these kids have to live in the “real world” they’re going to be SOL.

Ving Rhames and Deborah Reed named their daughter Reignbeau. I guess the regular spelling of Rainbow was just not enough, so they had to add an ethnic twist to it. I wonder if Deborah goes by De-bore-ah.

John “Cougar” Mellencamp and Elaine Irwin named their son Speck Wildhorse Mellencamp. Look here Mr. Cougar. Just because you have the nickname Cougar doesn’t mean you have to take it out on your son. And where did they get “Speck” from? Do Wildhorses have specks on them? I’m so confused.

 Jason Lee and Beth Riesgraf named their son Pilot Inspektor Riesgraf Lee. This is just plain ol RUDE! First off what if he doesn’t ever become a pilot inspector? Secondly this poor child is going to spell the word inspector wrong for his entire life because his parents were so kewl they had to change the spelling of a normal word. I’m done.

Rob Morrow and Debbon Ayer named their daughter Tu Simone Ayer Morrow. Oh I get it…it’s a pun, like Tu Morrow. This is a knee slapper, how KREATIVE of Rob and Debbon. Smh.

Frank Zappa and Gail Sloatman named their children Moon Unit, Dweezil, Ahmet Emuukha Rodan, and Diva Thin Muffin Pigeen. Nope, not even gonna go there.

And those are only FIVE celebrity couples I named, we can’t forget about one of the originals…Gweneth naming her child Apple. *le sigh*

Let’s take it to the streets, I hate using this term, but let’s look at some of the “ghetto” names. Of course there’s your typical Shaniqua and Sha Naynay, but like I said before, people are getting real crazy!

I hope you have all heard the story about the poor little girl named La-a. Now most people would look at that name and think “La-ah” or “Lay” but nope. The hyphen is actually part of the name. Not Lahyphena but La DASH a. That’s right folks LA-DASH-A. Don’t forget to say the “dash” part, it’s a crucial part of the name. Now I recently heard of another one, not sure how true it is. But if it is…DAMN. 0nika. No, this isn’t a typo, and no my “O” isn’t shaped weird. It’s a Zero. The child’s name is ZERONIKA. Can we just take a moment and pray for these people.

I think I’m going to end there, because my blood is starting to boil.

E-mail me: cheritaisrandom@gmail.com

 

MY Social Anxiety

Dating; it’s fun isn’t it? NOT. It’s awkward, it’s nerve-racking, it’s embarrassing, it’s stressful, it’s all the negative you can think of. Well, at least it is for me. I don’t enjoy dating, and I think that’s why I’ve been single for 3 years. I’ve gone about dating a few different ways, and it all leads back to one thing, me being single.

Let’s define dating. According to Wikipedia, dating is a part of the human mating process whereby two people meet socially for companionship, beyond the level of friendship, or with the aim of each assessing the other’s suitability as a partner in an intimate relationship or marriage.  SO SCARY!

Taking things above a friendship level…I have friends, I’ve also been betrayed by friends, so the thought of taking on a new friend and another relationship where I could ultimately get hurt, no thank you! The friends that I do have are always telling me to take a chance, and just date, go see what’s out there, but my gut tells me otherwise. I also happen to read a lot of dating articles. “What type of guy do you like” or “Where will you meet your future husband” type articles and of course those go to my head (like most things).

The thought of dating and finding someone to spend the rest of my life with is definitely desirable, but I’m not sure if it’s possible for someone like me who has self-diagnosed social anxiety.

I found an article on 5 ways to overcome dating anxiety on the Huffington Post website, let’s see if it’s possible for me to overcome it!

1. Practice self-disclosures. This talks about how to tell people what you think, how you feel and letting them see what matters to you. I feel like I’m that way with EVERYONE! Step 1…check!

2. Reducing the threat of judgement from others — and yourself. The threat of negative evaluation from others–such as being negatively perceived by your date–is the root of social anxiety, and is exacerbated in a dating setting. Socially anxious people tend to have lower self-esteem and make automatic negative assumptions about themselves. People who suffer from social anxiety judge themselves harshly and they assume others do too. This makes them not want to share, be open or be vulnerable.  This is where I fail. Yes I’m outgoing and I tell people what I think and how I feel, but I don’t share the intimate details of my depression and anxiety. This is the part where I fail MISERABLY and this is the part where I think EVERYONE has an ulterior motive…Step 2…FAIL!

3. Acceptance. When a person feels good about who they are, their values and what they have to offer, and sees their own experience in a compassionate way, it bolsters them against judgment. By calming their harshest critic, their own inner judge, it opens the door to experiencing closer connections with others. I know this sounds pathetic, but given my work history, I don’t feel like people take what I have to offer seriously, so then that falls on my failing self-esteem. Yes, good things come to those who wait…but sheesh I’m an old woman! Step 3…FAIL!

4. Reframing catastrophic cognitions. Thoughts like, it’s the end of the world if I’m rejected, I’ll never find someone, or that was a complete disaster, are common in anxiety. Gently remind yourself that the anxiety is exaggerating these beliefs, and then list reasons that the thoughts are not fully accurate. These are common thoughts, yet I know they’re not true. I’m working on this, so I’ll give myself partial credit. Step 4…loading.

5. Mindfulness and emotional intelligence. Anxiety thrives by focusing on the future and the past, engendering worry about what will go wrong, how the future will play out or how past events have gone wrong. Mindfulness is a conscious effort to focus on the present moment, the here-and-now. I don’t dwell on the past, as much as I worry about the future. So I guess I get half credit for this, but isn’t that still an F? Step 5…pending.

So according to this post there are 5 things that I should be focusing on to alleviate my social slash dating anxiety:

1. Monitor and understand one’s own emotions, rather than push emotions away or ignore them.

2. Self-soothe and cope with emotions when they arise.

3. Harness emotions to problem-solve or to help improve the current situation.

4. Listen, tune into, and accurately perceive the feelings of your date.

5. Show empathy and create a connection through shared experiences with your date.

Someone help me!

cheritaisrandom@gmail.com

Anxiety 2

 

 

Follow Up: 30 before 30

Hey guys! As promised, here is my full list of 30 things to do before I turn 30 πŸ™‚

1.  Visit Maryland Twisters (x)

2. Learn to crochet (x)

3. Get closer to God

4. Learn to love again

5. Read 30 books

6. Get a spike

7. Go on a date

8. Finish a scrapbook

9. Go to a cocktail party

10. Straighten my hair (x)

11. Find my favorite wine (x)

12. Be confident enough to speak Spanish to Spanish speakers

13. Perfect my make-up routine

14. Take a ballet class

15. Learn a salsa routine

16. Get my 5th tattoo

17. Go on a hot air balloon ride

18. Go on a cruise (x)

19. Buy a car

20. Pay off credit card

21. Acquire a new wardrobe

22. Buy a homeless person a meal (x)

23. Stay up for 24 hours (x)

24. Have a girls night out

25. Learn to drive a stick shift

26. Get an office job (x)

27. Join a meet up group

28. Be in a studio audience

29. Walk across a bridge (x)

30. Read a book in Spanish

So…this is my list! Only 52 days left! EEK!

E-mail me: cheritaisrandom@gmail.com

American Sign Language

I started teaching my son Myles baby signs when he was 6 months old because of all the positive benefits I had read about. However, once he started talking I stopped using sign language and focused mainly on oral speech. I’ve been doing research on finding groups or schools that cater to deaf and/or hard of hearing children in my area so that I can immerse my son into the language or deaf culture for a few reasons.

You always hear about trying to introduce a deaf child into the hearing world, but why is it never you hear about introducing a hearing child into the deaf world? Just as deaf children have to find out that not everybody is like them and some kids can hear, I think it’s just as important for hearing kids to understand that not everyone can hear like them. I don’t want my son to grow up with any misguided information about any culture and I want him to be well-rounded in life.

We started watching a show on Netflix called Signing Time, and he enjoys the show. I found out that Rachel Coleman is coming to our town in October, so I bought tickets for me and Myles to attend! He may not be as excited as I am, but I’m looking forward to it.

Thanks for reading πŸ™‚

E-mail me: cheritaisrandom@gmail.com

Door Men

Let me tell you a little story. Last night I went to Chevys with my friend Tori for her 21st birthday. We then proceeded to head downtown to do a little bit of bar hopping and meet up with another group of friends. We’re rolling about 20+ people deep, and we’re just ready to have fun. It’s second Saturday, so it’s crowded downtown. I’m trying to find a parking spot, and my light turns green, so I turn…there are pedestrians on the other side of the street and a cop behind me…so of course he pulls me over. He asks to see my license, I don’t have a physical one, he asks why, I told him I lost it in New York, and he asks if I have identification, so I hand him my government issued ID. He asks if I have a regular ID, and I don’t, but my government issued ID is perfectly fine. He then asked if I had anything to drink, I told him I had a margarita, and then he made me follow his finger…he handed me my ID back and told me to pay more attention. No. Big. Deal.

So I proceed to find a parking spot and go to The Mercantile to meet up with our group. Mind you, I’ve been to this place a plethora of times, and the door man has always been the same. So I pull out my government issued ID, and he says “I can’t take this” so Tori’s friends ask “Do you guys not take military IDs either” and all of a sudden he’s yelling “I DIDN’T SAY THAT, THE OWNER JUST SAYS THESE AREN’T ALLOWED” so then another friend Katrina asked if the owner was there and he said no, and she asked for a manager he said the manager was in the back, so she goes to look for him.

Here I am standing at the door, sober, waiting for an answer, and these three individuals walk up to the door and say “Hi Jerry” give him a hug and walk right in without him checking a single ID. So here I am, standing with a VALID,
GOVERNMENT ISSUED IDENTIFICATION CARD, not being able to get into a bar, and he lets three people in w/o checking their IDs…cool. So of course I say something and the last girl comes back out and says “well he’s my grandpa”. That’s fine and dandy, but I don’t give a flying f*ck who you are, he should be checking EVERY SINGLE ID. Mind you I’m very nice to this girl and I tell her that I’m not upset with her. She goes on her way.

“Jerry” then proceeds to get in my face and yell at me and tell me I need to go stand somewhere else because I’m preventing him from doing his job. I don’t move at all and then he says “I don’t care what anyone says, you’re not getting in here at all tonight”. I still don’t move. He goes back to checking IDs. Then he leaves the door, has someone cover him, and made sure to let the guy know that I wasn’t allowed in.

Katrina comes back and says “hey the manager says your ID works” I proceed to tell her that the jerk at the door said I can’t come in. The manager sent a message over his walkie talkie saying it was perfectly fine that I come in, and rightfully so I should have been let in. He starts yelling at her saying “BECAUSE I’M THE DOOR MAN, I HAVE RULING OVER WHO CAN COME IN AND WHO CAN’T” talk about a power trip. So the rest of the group just said let it go, let’s leave.

I have several issues with this. One. If my ID is good enough for the cops, it’s good enough every where. Two. You have one job, ID EVERYBODY. Three. He’s probably so pissed he’s not real law enforcement he took my CDCR ID to heart. Four. You’re. A. Door. Man. Not. The. Owner. Five. The owner will be hearing about this.

Rant over.

Blah blah Ray Rice blah blah

So we all know about the Ray Rice incident…he punched his then fiance and was suspended like two games or something. The incident was pretty much blown over, he’s suspended for two games, let’s move on to the next. AND THEN the video comes out. I’m not sure what they were expecting, but because they saw what happened, now it’s a heinous crime??? I understand he knocked her unconscious, but why is it okay to just get away with a punch. Like, oh he only hit her, so lets suspend him for the least amount of time. BUT WAIT SHE WAS KNOCKED UNCONSCIOUS AND IT’S BEING SHOWN TO THE ENTIRE NATION…nope we have to suspend him indefinitely. If he was upset with her, a hit is a hit. It’s all abuse.

Yes she married him, and there are plenty of people who say “I would never be in a relationship like that, or I WISH someone would try to hit me like that” do you guys REALLY think she grew up wanting to be in an abusive relationship? The only people who can speak for her are people who have been in an abusive relationship. I mean this poor lady is scared for her life, if he’s done it once, he’s capable of doing it again. People may think “well, she didn’t have to marry him” but you don’t know their story. How do you know she has somewhere to run to? How do you know he hasn’t threatened to kill her if she leaves? Abusive relationships aren’t just physical, they’re also emotionally damaging.

So to belittle this woman by saying she’s dumb for staying with him, you must not have sympathy for people. There are things that you do or don’t do that people couldn’t fathom doing or not doing. I try to see everything from all aspects, and I’m not in their relationship so I’m not going to judge either one. I will say this though: “Men, if a woman makes you mad enough to where you want to hit her, or you do hit her, you have no business being with her.”

Back to the suspension. Why are these athletes being paid millions to be able to act ANY type of way they want to, but when they’re caught it’s such a scandal. They are allowed to get away with any and everything as long as there is no record of it. Don’t get me wrong, I love my football just as much as the next person, but why are these athletes being glorified just because they’re AMAZING at something? I’m AMAZING at lots of things, but I don’t get paid millions to do what I love and I’m not out breaking the law. The NFL (NBA, MLB, etc) looks over the illegal things that these athletes do until it’s caught on camera. We need to be teaching our youth that when you do something wrong, regardless if it was caught on tape, you need to be reprimanded. All this does is teach society, as long as you are good at a sport, you can do whatever you want behind closed doors. We might hear about it, but as long as it’s not seen, it’s okay!

That’s my random, not so random rant for the day.

E-mail me πŸ™‚ cheritaisrandom@gmail.com

Thanks for reading!