A name. It’s a word that sets you apart from the rest of the world. It is a word by which you are addressed as and referred to. It’s a word that can make you or break you. It’s a word that can jump-start your career or set you up for failure. Your name is what you have to live with for the rest of your life (or until you can legally change it at 18). So as a person who tends to look toward the future, it baffles my mind why ANYONE would name their kid something that will make them suffer as they get older, and as a PARENT I feel like it’s borderline child abuse…no but really. Yes, creativity is amazing, I am prone and very fond of creativity, but there is a very fine line between creativity and cruelty.
There are some people who get defensive on this topic, but studies show that employers occasionally skip over resumes of which contain hard to pronounce names. I know your name doesn’t DEFINE who you are, but it sure does make a first impression. Even the slightest spelling change in a name can make a difference between the “interview” and “nah I’ll pass” pile. It is 2014 and people are as crazy as ever, lets look at some of the names parents are coming up with to try to make their child “unique”.
I’ll start with my own personal story. When I was about 8 months pregnant with my son, someone asked me what I was naming my son. I told her I was naming him “Myles”. She kind of shrugged it off and proceeded to tell me that her daughter’s name was Creative…WITH A K! She had the biggest smile on her face like she just struck gold. She was so proud of herself for naming her daughter KREATIVE. Next.
Now on to celebrities. I don’t know why celebrities can get away with naming their kid objects and everyone thinking it’s okay…oh wait, they can and do get away with it. They better hope their kids have the same kind of talent as them, or they never go bankrupt, because if some of these kids have to live in the “real world” they’re going to be SOL.
Ving Rhames and Deborah Reed named their daughter Reignbeau. I guess the regular spelling of Rainbow was just not enough, so they had to add an ethnic twist to it. I wonder if Deborah goes by De-bore-ah.
John “Cougar” Mellencamp and Elaine Irwin named their son Speck Wildhorse Mellencamp. Look here Mr. Cougar. Just because you have the nickname Cougar doesn’t mean you have to take it out on your son. And where did they get “Speck” from? Do Wildhorses have specks on them? I’m so confused.
Jason Lee and Beth Riesgraf named their son Pilot Inspektor Riesgraf Lee. This is just plain ol RUDE! First off what if he doesn’t ever become a pilot inspector? Secondly this poor child is going to spell the word inspector wrong for his entire life because his parents were so kewl they had to change the spelling of a normal word. I’m done.
Rob Morrow and Debbon Ayer named their daughter Tu Simone Ayer Morrow. Oh I get it…it’s a pun, like Tu Morrow. This is a knee slapper, how KREATIVE of Rob and Debbon. Smh.
Frank Zappa and Gail Sloatman named their children Moon Unit, Dweezil, Ahmet Emuukha Rodan, and Diva Thin Muffin Pigeen. Nope, not even gonna go there.
And those are only FIVE celebrity couples I named, we can’t forget about one of the originals…Gweneth naming her child Apple. *le sigh*
Let’s take it to the streets, I hate using this term, but let’s look at some of the “ghetto” names. Of course there’s your typical Shaniqua and Sha Naynay, but like I said before, people are getting real crazy!
I hope you have all heard the story about the poor little girl named La-a. Now most people would look at that name and think “La-ah” or “Lay” but nope. The hyphen is actually part of the name. Not Lahyphena but La DASH a. That’s right folks LA-DASH-A. Don’t forget to say the “dash” part, it’s a crucial part of the name. Now I recently heard of another one, not sure how true it is. But if it is…DAMN. 0nika. No, this isn’t a typo, and no my “O” isn’t shaped weird. It’s a Zero. The child’s name is ZERONIKA. Can we just take a moment and pray for these people.
I think I’m going to end there, because my blood is starting to boil.
E-mail me: firstname.lastname@example.org